Forward: Many years after childbirth the memory of the pain subsides and the first embrace of your child remains strong. You don’t forget the pain…but the thrill of your child’s arrival occupies the majority of your feelings.
The same has occurred with the maturing of my autistic son Sam. I found this brief blog (below) that I had written when he was still in early grade school. The feelings were still fresh and I thought I would re-post as many will relate to the raw feelings that have seemed to fade and the years roll on.
A doctor once told me, “With aspergers and high functioning autism, it gets easier for them, socially, as they age.” I have found this to be true!
The story of Sam cannot be told with just a list of positive aspects. It is their lifetime of physical and mental struggle that you work to overcome for your child. Such is the daily journey of my son…one that my husband, youngest son and I take with him daily as he lives with a form of autism titled Aspergers.
As a parent words are insufficient to express the pain you go through witnessing years of bullying and rejection that my son faces; the constant looks of disapproval and comments on what most certainly must stem from a lack of compassionate parenting is ignorance on their part. I’m not talking about rude comments in strange places, but where people should be compassionate…even at church!
The beauty of this story is the heroics that come from Sam. You see, you have to hear the ugly to appreciate the beauty in my Sam. He doesn’t care whether he has ever been invited to a classmate’s party or not, nor does he seem to mind the irritating looks he is often the recipient of.
Autism naturally numbs him of ridicule, but also it is Sam who has learned that his talents are unique. Sam knows he is truly God’s special child and that his gifts and blessings overflow. I know this because I hear it in his prayers at night.
Through the wonderful school district Sam is afforded many privileges that help him cope throughout the day; noise control methods (i.e. headsets on the bus), and his successes are many. He rhythmatically goes through his tightly scheduled day independently. With his multi-task watch he gets through each school day with high grades.
However, daily struggles still await him, such as his paranoia of a wasp sting that most surely can come from an empty hallway or crowed cafeteria. He eats in a separate room every day alone. But Sam doesn’t hurt for this, it is us as parents that hurt for those with this diagnosis. Children with autism are given a special gift from God that protects them and allows them to truly find solace and peace alone.
If there is a lesson for parents or educators it is this: enjoy your child for his/her unique gifts and abilities, stand by them as others most certainly won’t, and utilized the opportunities that are afforded children with autism through the public school system.
You may go through a battery of tests but the rewards are overflowing, and the programs you can enroll them in are limitless. We even have had in-home training paid for by the NEISD for 10 one-week sessions. This remarkable person who came to our home from the district is experienced with Autism, as her own child has been diagnosed.
These services are for the whole family, you’ll find out you are not as alone as you thought, and your feelings of despair are completely affirmed and shared by parents with the same struggles. I thank God daily for my children, and the unique perspective that they give. Life through Sam is grand!
By Jennifer Allen
A graduate of Abilene Christian University, Jennifer had a long career in TV Broadcasting. Upon learning her oldest son Sam had a form of Autism called Asperger’s Syndrome, she left her career and became a full-time mother to both of her sons. Jennifer elicited the participation of her family and together they produced several independent programs including a children’s animated series titled Ameriquest Kids, as well as a documentary and book titled, Coping to Excelling: Solutions for School-age Children Diagnosed with High-Functioning Autism or Aspergers Syndrome. She formed the nonprofit Asperger101 to provide on-going free resources related to ASD at Aspergers101.com and has implemented the Texas Driving with Disability Program and continues to grow the statewide initiative today. She and her husband have recently retired to their property in the Texas Hill Country.
Hello,
I am a parent of a 34 year old that I am starting to think may have Asperger’s.
As a parent, I struggle to tell him. I don’t know how to tell him to help him. I feel his pain isolating himself and I feel that he might be depress as . Please help me! Thank You!
Cindy, I apologize for just now replying this site hasn’t been active and left up as a resource but we are working on updating the content. My son Samuel, who is now 31, has shared his thoughts on his diagnosis (wanting to know verses not acknowledging ASD) and he once told an inquiring parent at an autism conference, “why would you not share your concerns with your son?” He went on to say, I knew while going through school I thought differently than my peers. I was isolated and it felt as though I spoke a different language. “By knowing I was on the autism spectrum, I was relieved. I could put a medical reason behind what made me depressed around others and navigate each comorbidity through a plan.” Cindy, your son might be relived to know there is a reason for his unique thinking and processing patterns. I’ve always told Sam I am a better person by seeing through his eyes, it has broaden my scope and reassured him that every person is blessed with different “gifts” and unique challenges when communicating and functioning. Not everyone is social and that is alright…but I would suggest studying Asperger Syndrome (now categorized as Autism Level One) and learn what comorbidities your son may be facing and find solutions to aid him in navigating those challenges.