Cultivating healthy long relationships can be difficult for everyone, whether they be romantic or platonic. This important life skill becomes a special challenge for those with Asperger’s who can often have trouble making and keeping connections. However, there are ways in which the Aspie can learn to actively create beneficial companionship.
All of these habits do not come naturally to everyone and should be learned in order to create the best relationships.
Read Reese Eskridge’s 25 key lessons about companionship:
- Fitting in is never an option. Just keep standing out and being yourself and quality people will gravitate towards you. You can then relish in their company.
- For an aspie, companionship will take a while to find and REAL companionship will take even longer to find. It is always better to be patient than to surround yourself with people who do not like you or take advantage of you.
- It is always better to go alone than to go with the wrong crowd.
- Those who gossip about others to you will likely gossip about you to others. Gossiping is a toxic habit and you do not have to do it nor be the subject of it.
- If someone is not looking for an explanation or apology, after you did something wrong, chances are they are not worth your time.
- If something feels wrong according to your gut, there probably is something wrong. Do not hesitate to express your feeling. If someone gives you a real reassurance, keep them. If they get upset, that raises a red flag.
Be mindful of what your gut is telling you.
- Be accountable for yourself, even when your “friends” do not. Those who are accountable for themselves, but not for you are acquaintances. Those who share accountability with you are true friends.
- Do not fully trust someone until you have gone through hell with them and back. Only then will you see how they handle difficult situations with you. Then you will get a clear glimpse into the future nature of your relationship.
- Toxic people do not bother to understand you before making decisions and judgments; quality people do.
- Do not be friends with those who only think one-sidedly or childishly because they usually do not make good decisions. You will eventually be the subject of those bad decisions unless you terminate your relationship with that person.
- It is better to speak with someone who talks highly about others, not lowly. It is better to speak with someone who talks more about ideas than people or situations. It is better to speak with someone who talks more about life than about himself or herself.
- When you can live anywhere and the distance between you and your companion does not increase the tension in the bond between the two of you, that is true companionship.
There is something to learn from every relationship experience.
- Be friends with those who would do just about anything with you. Be friends with those who think about the same things you do for as long and as often as you do. Be friends with those who share your interests. Be friends with those who are your kind of quirky. Just remember to always keep in mind what is most important for all of you.
- Do not dull yourself down to be a casual, plain conversationalist. Add humor, drama, and intrigue and see how others respond. Those who like it a lot will want more from you. Do not take that for granted!
- If someone has to ponder over his or her relationship with you, it can only mean one of two things: they have a solvable problem or they do not really want to be your friend.
- Do not battle over small things and play it safe when you do have to battle. Your companion has his or her limits and deserves respect, integrity and the chance to work out issues before you cast him or her away.
- A positive companionship is not always a healthy or moral companionship. You can be happy and be doing some irresponsible things at the same time. Health and high-mindedness should always come before happiness.
- As an aspie, you should consistently learn something new about yourself, the world, and your friends every day. You just never know what truths you will unveil.
The heart is mightier than the head. Your attitude and actions always say more and matter more than your knowledge and beliefs.
- Independence, learning, wisdom, and integrity are the baseline traits that will help you through any relationship triumphs and tribulations.
- If you have no friends or get the feeling of isolation, just remember that your loneliness can always serve you well if you allow it to do so. In addition, you get to have more solitude, peace, and time to develop yourself.
You must respect and love yourself before you can do so for others and before you can receive respect and love from others.
- A relationship ratio is not 0:100 nor is it 50:50. Relationships must be 100:100 because both sides must give it their all.
- Honesty is one of an aspie’s innate traits. Use it to get the right people at your side, but do not use it so that it costs you life-preserving endeavors. Honesty is the best policy, but too much honesty is one of the worst.
Do you have lessons to offer to aspies and their families? Please share them in the comments.
by Reese Eskridge
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- Suicide Prevention for Those with Aspergers: Understanding Common Triggers - February 21, 2017
- 25 Key Lessons about Companionship that Every Aspie Should Learn - February 15, 2017
- Overcoming Isolation, one of an Aspie’s Most Terrible Realities - February 7, 2017